Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is rest.
I cringe just writing those words.
Everything with in my being is saying, NO! Delete that shit and get to work.Why? Because today I am exhausted but I also have a lot of things that I want to do.
My mind still argues: "But there is an art show to prep for, the gardens need to be planted, there is a break in the rain so you should go for a walk or a bike ride, you need to start packing for your new adventure..."
My mind will just keep going and going so I'll stop boring you with its ramblings here.
If you are anything like me, rest is hard.
If you do not suffer with the inability easily rest, I admire, and also kind of envy you.
For me, my struggle with resting is multifaceted but stems from such things as my innate desire to always want to create, learn, and discover what's possible. It is also no doubt tied to some deep seeded non-truth that my worth is tied solely to my level productivity.
And yet, I know that if I actually take the time to rest when my body asks me to (given that I am able), I will not only be much more productive afterwards but also actually enjoy what I am doing far more than when I am tired. This isn't rocket science Jess (yeah, I'm talking to myself).
So today, begrudgingly, I am going to nap. Because one, I am exhausted and two, my therapist told me to hang up the phone with her and go sleep. Did I mention that I love my therapist?You see, prior to my diagnosis of cancer back in 2019 I was in burnout mode, HARD. Always doing, doing, doing. 'Sleep is for the weak and OD'ing on caffeine is for the strong' was my internal motto. What I did not realize at the time but later became blatantly obvious, was that all of my doing was just a coping mechanism to escape my feelings. Who has time to deal with trauma when you have a 10,000 long item to-do list? That list by the way (aside from the normal everyday life items like paying bills) was entirely created by me and only me.
A diagnosis of cancer kicked me square in the face with the reality of what I was doing.
Now, I have a therapist. Two in fact. One that helps me move through life after cancer (because yes, I am now cancer free!), and one who helps me work through the other traumatic events that I was trying to avoid dealing with pre-diagnosis by overdoing. Looking back, we laugh at the items on those lists and the chaos I that was creating for myself.
Peace, love and thank you for joining me on my journey of discovering whats possible,