"Discovering" BLOG

Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is rest.  I cringe just writing those words.  Everything with in my being is  saying , NO! Delete that shit and get to work.  Why? Because today I am exhausted but I also have a lot of things that I want to do. ​ Regardless, I will not delete those words b ecause , I know that they are true. My mind still argues: "But there is an art show to prep for, the gardens need to be planted, there is a break in the rain so you should go for a walk or a bike ride, you need to start packing for your new adventure..."  My mind will just keep going and going so I'll stop boring you with its ramblings here. If you are anything like me, rest is hard.  If you do not suffer with the inability easily rest, I admire, and also kind of envy you. For me, my struggle with resting is multifaceted but stems from such things as my innate desire to alway...

Pandemic life is tough, let's just be real about that. Independent of age, occupation, level of health, or financial status, we have all, to some degree,   experienced the mental and psychological effects of Covid-19.  For most of us, quarantines, lockdowns and restrictions have completely flipped our lives upside down. Our plans are continually being modified or halted all together and our access to family, friends, money, healthcare and other resources have become limited or temporarily non-existent. Uncertainty and fear is at an all time high and loneliness is quickly becoming an epidemic all of its own. With all of this being our current reality, it is no wonder that mental health during covid-19 has been rocky for most.  But, there is hope! While there are many things that we may be powerless to change at this time, we are far from helpless. Our minds may want to tell us otherw...

It's just one of " those days." I woke up with a knot in my stomach and a tightness in my chest. My brain is scattered and fear underlies every thought that I have. My muscles are tense and my irritation level is at an all time high. I try to do things that make myself feel productive, but I feel stuck, frozen in the anxious cycle of thoughts swirling inside of my head. Fuck. As usual when I feel this way, my first thought goes to some sort of mood altering substance. "A double shot of gin or an anti anxiety med (or both) will fix this in no time" says my mind. But, I know that those are just temporary fixes and that after the booze and/or benzodiazepine wears off, I will be right back where I started. Only I'll be slightly worse off because I'll have achieved nothing but the suppression of my feelings and added a feeling of guilt to the mix. Also fuck. Knowing that my first line of defence will not actually help me in the long run, I wrap myself in the coziest blanket I can find, sit ...

Feelings. Oh, feelings...  It's that time of year again when most of us seem to feel a lot of them.  Since receiving a clean bill of health back in October, I have been experiencing a whirlwind of feelings and emotions. At times, I've felt nothing but pure bliss and elation. At other times, feelings of sadness, confusion and despair have consumed me. I've processed and am still processing a lot of stuff! Through the experience of being diagnosed with and overcoming cancer, I was gifted the opportunity to become aware of some self sabotaging patterns and behaviours that I had previously been engaging in. Endurism (apparently this is not a real word??), excessive productivity, and avoiding my feelings by various means to name a few...  The issue is, that these patterns of behaviour are all I have known for years... " Uncomfortable feelings to deal with? No problem, I'll...